GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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