tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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