Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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