Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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