"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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