At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
