hell yes lets make some ravioli
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
