I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
