I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
