i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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