Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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