Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
