I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
