3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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