I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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