apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
