Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
