i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
