Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
