After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I need to sanitize my soul.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
