oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
