did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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