I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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