I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
