she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So much rum. So many feels.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
