in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
