He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
