Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
whose parrot is this?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
