he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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