You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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