Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
