i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
no you cant smoke seaweed
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
