Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
