there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
