meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
