guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
should my penis look like a turkey
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
