The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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