I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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