you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
