Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There's a naked man in my car right now.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
