My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
