that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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