I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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