I puked a lego.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
