the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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