he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
