Umm I'm too high to move.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
