i think i have herpe
just one?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
