so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
