either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
