I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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