someone threw a dead crab at me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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