just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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