There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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